


Sehnsucht

by Confusedpencil



Series: Zweisamkeit [1]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Canon Dialogue, Canon-Typical Violence, Characters refer to Envy with he/him but Envy uses they/them for themself, Edvy if you squint super hard and want it to be there, Envy lives, Envy makes a good choice now and then, Fullmetal Alchemist Ending Spoilers, Gen, I have never written a fic here before please bear with me, They/Them Pronouns for Envy (Fullmetal Alchemist), Yes This Has Been Done Before- But IDC I'm Having A Swell Time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:20:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29982756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Confusedpencil/pseuds/Confusedpencil
Summary: What if, during the events of the Promised Day, Envy was just a bit smarter?Read: Envy isn't stupid and manages to get out alive.
Series: Zweisamkeit [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2205426
Comments: 3
Kudos: 19





	Sehnsucht

**Author's Note:**

> This story goes over the events of the Promised Day and sets up the foundation for later installments in this series. I may even use this as a foundation for other works not belonging to the series in the future, though that's all up in the air so far. 
> 
> Thank you to Cal and to @alchemlus on twitter for helping me and beta reading this, I appreciate you guys a whole lot!
> 
> Envy is a character that I've loved for a long time and who means a lot to me, so I hope you all enjoy reading about them as much as I've enjoyed writing about them.

Everything hurt. Why did they always end up getting hurt? Envy clenched their fists, nails biting into their still-healing skin. Mustang wasn’t far, close enough that they could still hear his footsteps as he searched for them. They’d just gotten their abilities back, too! No longer that disgusting worm, but already they were close to reverting back to that wreched little thing. Their eyes hurt, their mouth hurt, every single inch of slowly healing skin hurt and stung and burned and it made them furious. How dare he, a human, do this to them? Them! Envy! Still, as angry as they wanted to be, they couldn’t quite make it surpass the terror they felt right down to their very core. It wasn’t fair. How could humans make them feel like this? Humans just thought they were so much better, didn’t they? 

As they crouched there, a second set of footsteps appeared and, carefully peaking around the corner, Envy all but lit up with delight. The colonel’s woman! The universe had all but delivered her to them! It would be easy, they thought as their lips spread into a beastly grin. They’d transform into the colonel and take in the glory of getting to watch her face as she was killed by the man she so dutifully served! It would be a magnificent sight to behold! If they played their part well enough, she’d hardly have time to get a shot in before they got her. Then they’d throw her body in front of that damned alchemist and see how he liked that! And then- then what? Would he cry? Or would he retaliate? That gave Envy some pause. 

Sure it could stop him in his tracks, render him immobile with grief, but humans were tenacious. Humans were surprising without fail, weren’t they? That was one of the many things Envy obsessed over and here they were, forgetting that little fact. Mustang was nearby, and if the woman managed to get a shot in, they’d be done for. Mustang would come running like the dog he was. In his rage, her death might even spur him on, make his wrath even more terrible. As much as they wanted humans to resort to those actions that proved them as lower, in this case it would likely be to Envy’s detriment instead of amusement. That drove a shiver through Envy’s spine as they listened to Hawkeye’s footsteps draw ever closer. They hadn’t considered what would happen after he found them, just like they hadn’t considered what would happen after they provoked him into this rage. Well, to be fair they had, but it had only been long enough for them to consider the first option of Mustang collapsing and howling with grief as they then moved in to incapacitate him and bring him to Father. Obviously, that hadn’t worked out as planned. 

Envy gritted their teeth. Mustang was close enough to hear an altercation between them and the woman, even if they did manage to kill her and impersonate her, the two shared a close bond formed by years by each other’s side. It had happened once or twice that they’d been unable to impersonate humans who were close like that. It forever grated on them, the fact that humans were more than appearances, more than them. And then, even if they did manage to successfully impersonate her, there would be no way there would be enough time to hide her corpse before Mustang found them.

The woman had nearly arrived at the intersection of the two hallways, the time to weigh options was almost gone and they needed to act. As marvelous as toying with Mustang’s girl would be, Envy decided that it wasn’t worth feeling those flames again, especially not with the shape they were in. Lamenting the loss of that beautiful possibility, they turned on their heel and took off at a sprint. Being done in by a human just wasn’t an option. No way in hell. 

A gunshot rang out through the tunnels and Envy felt a flare of pain in their shoulder, then the back of their thigh, their hip, their ankle as the lieutenant opened fire. Shit! They’d taken too long to decide and she must have caught a glimpse of them. Bad bad, this was bad. Those gunshots would be a dead giveaway as to where they were. To make things worse, their wounds were taking more and more time to heal, further hindering their escape. Sure enough, they could faintly hear running footsteps. Of course Mustang would rush to her! Stupid humans were always protecting the people they were close to, going past their limits to do so. That was what ended up doing Lust in—she had hurt the guy’s friend. 

Where could they go? Sure, they knew these tunnels better than just about anyone, but that didn’t matter if they couldn’t outrun Mustang, or if they ran into someone like Scar who could deal some massive damage if he got his hand on them. They ducked into a connecting hallway just as a torrent of flame rushed past them. Of course, that didn’t fucking help. Not when the hero of Ishval could make his stupid flames turn corners. Their body erupted in pain as their blood boiled and guts sizzled. They couldn’t stop the ugly sobbing sound that tore from their throat, but they had to keep going. They had to get out of here. If a human could kill them, that would almost be the ultimate humiliation, wouldn’t it? 

Envy picked themself up and started running again, desperately searching for escape routes. There were probably more of those immortal soldiers running around, if they could get to them then they could regain some strength and return to Father to help carry out the plan. The plan that would make the man akin to a god. And then they’d be… the same as they always were. The thought nearly made Envy stumble as they rounded another corner, skidding as they made the sharp turn.

It had always grated on them a bit that Father was also just so much better. His power was nearly limitless and he wanted more? More just for him, how selfish. Envy wouldn’t deny that they were also pretty selfish, but wasn’t that part of the deal? Father had supposedly gotten rid of all of his imperfections, so why was he hoarding all of that power to himself when he still had children? There was Pride, Sloth, Wrath, Gluttony and themself left to empower with that godly potential, and yet there hadn’t been a word about it. Come to think about it now, he hadn’t even seemed to care when Lust had been killed. It was business as usual for him, despite losing one of his children! Sure, he wasn’t a human but he should still care! Didn’t a father care? Why couldn’t they have a father who cared? 

They dodged another burst of flame, finally far enough ahead that they could manage to sidestep the inferno without Mustang’s alchemy following them around corners. Despite the pain that still hissed and crackled through their weakened form, they could feel their chest tightening and a pit hollowing out in their stomach as a horrible thought dawned on them. Why hadn’t they realized it from the beginning? They had just wanted a family,what their father had promised. Even with its problems, Envy had treasured that family. They wanted that care and support that a family provided, as much as they had been conditioned to hate those human attachments. Still, Father had provided that to them, kind words of affection toward his children that Envy soaked up like a sponge. Maybe it was the ever-present desire for that that blinded them to what they really were. They were an imperfection, cast out from their father and made to do his bidding. Lust, Greed, Gluttony, Pride, Sloth, Wrath… They all were!

Envy lashed out, slamming their fist into the wall as they reached an intersection, collapsing the ceiling behind them as they turned down yet another of the maze-like passageways. It did little to relieve their anger. He hadn’t cared when Lust died, why should he? She was an expendable pawn and a cast-away imperfection. Why should he care about her? After all, wasn’t this the same way they treated humans? Oh how ironic, that was how Father saw them, wasn’t it? Humans, then homunculi, then Father. Homunculi looked down upon humans but in turn, their very own Father looked down upon them. It felt like their blood was boiling again, despite Mustang’s flames no longer consuming them. And what could they do about it? Nothing, because they had nothing left. Their form was pushing its limits as it was, and they had the nagging feeling that Father wouldn’t help them much if they returned to him, especially not if they’d run from a fight because they were hurt. No, that wouldn’t go over well. 

The tunnel they’d caved in exploded, they could hear it not far off. So much for that. As they came to the end of the passageway, they nearly ran smack into someone in their panic. With their head in such a whirlwind of thoughts, paying attention to where they were going had fallen to the wayside a bit because there, jumping into their pile of bad luck, was Scar and, behind him, the Fullmetal Alchemist. They managed to avoid running into the Ishvalan by pitching their weight to the left and tumbling that way, rolling to their feet in a panic. For a moment they met Fullmetal’s eyes and knew that he could see the sheer terror in their own. Oh how humiliating, to be stripped so bare like this. At least they still had this appearance, as fragile as it currently was. 

They hardly had time to get angry about that before their little delay caught up with them and they could hear the roar of Mustang’s flames. The words were out of their mouth unbidden, terror loosening their tongue from the iron grip of their pride. 

“No! I don’t want to die!”

They whirled around, putting their arms up to try and shield their face against the pain of flames that never came. They looked up just in time to see Fullmetal returning the floor to its natural state after apparently constructing some kind of wall between the flames and Envy. And there he was, standing in front of them almost… protectively? They couldn’t understand, what was happening here? Oh no, the brat was about to do that thing that humans like him always seemed to. He was going to stop this madman’s rampage, wasn’t he? On one hand that was good for Envy, but on the other, it was what endlessly clawed at their very being. Humans always seemed to be proving themselves better than them, after all. Why couldn’t these ones just roil in their misery? Hurt each other? Why couldn’t they stop being better? Still, this was as good of a time to escape as any, right? Just as they made the step back to move, the Fullmetal Alchemist’s metal hand snatched their wrist and they could feel a different hand on their back, Scar’s hand. Edward kept them there with the promise of at least temporary security, but Scar was a chilling reminder that they weren’t even close to safety.

“Fullmetal, stand aside. I’m going to destroy that thing,” Mustang’s voice growled, snapping Envy’s attention away from Scar’s hand and back to the situation at hand. Subconsciously they moved behind Edward a little more, cursing themself immediately afterward. How embarrassing to be relying on a human, Edward Elric of all humans, to protect them. They noted that the alchemist seemed to have gained at least a bit of height, his shoulders had broadened a little since they’d last seen him. Well, that made him a better shield and Envy could find more creative insults later. 

Just like they had both hoped and feared, Edward shook his head. The colonel grimaced and took a step forward and Envy watched him survey the scene. They’d seen these flames at work in Ishval, they’d seen just now how the man was able to manipulate them with such precision as to avoid his allies. The colonel raised his hand to snap, and for a moment Envy believed the cold fear that permeated their whole being would be almost enough to keep the heat of the flames those fingers promised at bay. 

Envy tensed their jaw, hoping to stifle the embarrassing sound of fear that threatened to escape. Edward and Scar would be no real help, not with a skill like that. Mustang was exhibiting the weaknesses of humanity, a weakness that Envy had poked and prodded until it welled up and burst. They tensed, drawing in a hiss of breath that pulled Edward’s gaze back toward them and Envy seethed. Those eyes held something akin to pity, it brought up such a violent rage in them that they tensed once more in preparation to strike the alchemist. 

Just as they were about to spew venom-filled words his way, the sound of a gun cocking caught the attention of everyone present. Envy’s eyes flicked toward the source of the sound and they found themself surprised enough to settle down and abandon their original intent of rending Edward in two for daring to look down on them. Hawkeye had drawn her gun on Mustang, and Mustang looked just as startled as the rest of them for a moment before his gaze darkened again.

“What do you think you’re doing, Lieutenant?” he asked, fingers still pressed together, poised to snap. Envy would give the woman some credit for her guts here, pointing a gun at a man so obviously driven mad by his need for vengeance.

“That’s enough, Colonel. I will deal with him from here,” She said, her tone leaving no room for argument. Mustang’s face changed slightly from furious to almost desperate. 

“He’s hardly healing,” Mustang protested, voice ragged. “One blast, maybe two and I’ll have him. Put down your gun.” Certainly he wasn’t wrong, Envy thought. They were healing so slowly now, they hardly felt solid. There was hardly anything left of them now. 

“I cannot obey that order sir,” Hawkeye said, her voice still steady. “Please put your hand down.” 

Mustang’s voice raised to a shout and Envy flinched slightly where they stood as alchemy crackled between the poised fingers of the Flame Alchemist. “Stop screwing around! I said lower your weapon!” 

Envy’s sudden flinch seemed to draw Mustang’s attention back to them, the Lieutenant's gun all but forgotten it seemed. “Fullmetal,” he said as Edward squared his shoulders. He was sweating, Envy noticed. Even now, as scared as he seemed, he was standing up for his enemy. Envy, someone who hurt him at every given opportunity, who taunted and teased him, who hurt his friends, who had killed the person that had given him hospitality and kindness, providing him likely no end of grief. Yet here Ed was, protecting them. Showing again and again just how much better he was than them. If they hadn't been sick with fear, they’d be sick with rage. 

“Fullmetal I won’t ask again. Step. Aside.” 

“No,” Edward declared, sounding as though he’d had to fight a battle just to get that single word out. 

Mustang gritted his teeth. “I must give him the worst of all deaths.” 

“No,” Edward said again, and this time it was sure, determined. 

“You two step aside or I’ll burn you up with him!” Mustang snarled, to which Edward responded in kind. 

“Fine! I’ll fight you with everything I’ve got if I have to! Before that, though, take a good look at your own face! Is that the face you want to wear when you’re this nation’s top man?” Envy could hear a slight tremble in his voice. “That- that’s not what you’re after, is it Colonel?” This, at least, seemed to bring the man some pause. 

Scar’s voice from behind them startled Envy slightly and they realized they’d been gripping the back of Fullmetal’s coat with their free hand. They wanted to let go, but they couldn’t quite seem to get their body to do as they told it to just yet. 

“Are you going down the path of the beast given over to his passion? You can if you want to. If you’re going to live for revenge I won’t stop you,” the Ishvalan said, drawing some noise of panicked objection from Edward, but he wasn’t finished. “I have no right to stop another from taking vengeance. However, I do think it would be a sight to see what sort of world a man who is held captive by his own hatred, at the head of everything, would create.” 

That, finally, seemed to strike a chord somewhere as Mustang’s eyes widened. Hawkeye capitalized on this. “Colonel, I cannot allow you to kill Envy,” she said, still not lowering her gun. “That being said, I don’t intend to let him live. I will dispose of him, sir.” Envy stiffened a little. At this point, could she kill them? Maybe if she and Scar teamed up, or they were trapped and held down somehow and just shot a bunch. Unpleasant, but they couldn’t decide whether or not that was worse or better than death by Mustang’s flames. 

Mustang clenched his hand into a fist, and Envy felt some measure of security in knowing that he was no longer poised to snap. “I finally did it! I finally ran him down!”

“I know!” Hawkeye retorted, her voice raw. “But still…” she paused, her once strong voice shook, as did her hand. “But still, what you are about to do is not to help the country or your friends. It’s to vindicate your hatred. That’s all that consumes you. I cannot allow you to descend to that level!” 

Envy felt a familiar feeling, a twisting their gut that seemed ever-present. Friends… Humans and their friends. Humans would kill for their friends, go to the ends of the earth for friends, for that validation, for that companionship that consumed their short, insignificant lives. Why could humans care so much? How could humans care so much? Why could no one care for Envy like this? All their time in the world and not one who would cry for them should they die, or disappear. Not one who wanted to be around them, who would want them back for the sake of having them, Envy, for reasons other than their skills. Of course, that would never be vocalized. Instead, they clenched their jaw, their hand on Edward’s jacket gripping even tighter as they replaced all that bitterness with an easier emotion: disgust. 

Mustang closed his eyes, clenching his fist as all of that rage, all of that grief, flooded his face. Envy watched, tensed to spring back and seek cover behind Edward should he not heed his subordinate’s words. 

“If you wish to shoot me, then shoot me,” Mustang said and Envy came to the realization that their sins were really, truly, going to catch up with them. Mustang wasn’t going to listen to the words of any of the other humans here. He was going to kill them, it was going to hurt, and it was going to be their fault. 

Their swirl of panic almost made them miss Mustang’s next words. “However, after you shoot me, what will you do then?” 

Carefully, with as little movement as possible, Envy forced themself to peek out from behind Edward, the discussion at hand gaining their interest. Were they actually going to be alright? The bond these two held was indeed impressive, and Mustang was concerned with his subordinate. Could he not bear to die if he didn’t know she’d be alright? It was disgustingly weak, but it was weak in Envy’s favor this time. They managed not to scoff. 

“I have no intention of living on by myself, free of care,” the woman began. She sounded…. resigned. It was as though she’d been thinking of this possibility for longer than the few moments she’d taken to answer, and maybe she had. “Once this fight is over, I will remove my body, along with its maddening flame alchemy, from the face of the earth.” 

How interesting, Envy mused. These two were connected even through those horrible flames. Did she hold the secret? Was she actually the one to blame for the pain Envy was suffering? Just what was it between these two? How had they seen hell together, known each other before the hell they’d seen, and then stayed so close together after? How could anyone form bonds like that? Why couldn’t Envy form bonds like that? 

Envy watched as her words seemed to have an effect on him beyond anything else, Mustang recoiled as though he’d been struck rather than spoken to. The snap of fingers accompanied by a distraught cry had Envy flinching behind Edward, an undignified whimper leaving them as they cowered behind the alchemist. However, the flames ricocheted harmlessly down a side passageway as Mustang lowered his hand. 

“I can’t have that,” he murmured, voice ragged. “I can’t… afford to lose you.” It was just as they had thought, then. He couldn’t die with the knowledge that she wouldn’t be okay. It was pathetic, they told themself as they trembled. Just pathetic. 

“What kind of situation is this?” the Flame Alchemist demanded. “Scolded by a child, lectured by a man who once came after me as an enemy,” he turned slightly to face Hawkeye, “causing you pain once again… I’m just a big fool.” Mustang reached out, hand atop his subordinate’s raised weapon, and lowered her gun from where it had been pointed toward him. “I’m sorry.” 

Envy drew in a slow breath as Mustang and Hawkeye both fell to their knees, the stress of the encounter seeming to get to both of them. As it dawned on them that they really weren’t about to die, Envy felt the rest of their emotions returning to normal and in full force. Humans were always so attached to each other. Mustang couldn’t even take his revenge for his best friend just because his subordinate would decide to die if she had to kill him? Even disregarding that situation, Edward and Scar were right here, allies and working together. Scar hadn’t attacked any of them, Mustang hadn’t gone after Scar, Edward hadn’t gone after Scar and the guy had killed his friends' parents! Once they were no longer under immediate threat of death, the absurdity of this situation hit them full force and they couldn’t just let that stand. By all accounts, these humans should be at one another’s throats! Envy would just see to it that they followed the natural order of things, then. 

“What are you, dense?” They spat before they had any more time to think about their words. Something nagged at them, the little thought that was always there, reminding them exactly why they hated these humans so much, why this made them itch for violence, but they pushed all of that down, down to where they always pushed it. If they kept it far enough at bay, then it couldn’t hurt them. Against what was probably their better judgment, they kept talking. “Just flowery words and make-believe empathy? It’s disgusting. Are humans really that over the top? Just do whatever your gut tells you to!” 

Envy expected at least some anger as they spoke, something, but instead… pity? No, there was no way it could be pity. Surely if they kept at this, those looks would go away. “Colonel Mustang! Did you forget? Scar was going to kill you! Oh, and as I recall,” they said, slowly becoming more animated as they stepped away from Edward to better look him in the eyes, “Scar was the one who killed the pipsqueak’s friends’ parents! Yeah, yeah!” They were on a roll now. Surely those looks of pity would fade from the surrounding faces as these humans turned on one another. “And, the girl-and-dog chimera in East City, isn’t Scar the one who killed her too? As for you, Scar, what happened to all that hatred over your countrymen killed in Ishval? And the woman,” they said, turning an accusing finger to Hawkeye, “all full of herself called the ‘Hawk’s eye’, she shot your pals left and right!” 

They turned back to Scar, feeling desperation creeping up and clawing at their insides. “You’ll never get another chance like this! Well, go get them! This is a perfect opportunity! Hate and weep! Kill and be killed! Thrash around! Grovel in the dirt! Teaming up together as friends is something you scum couldn’t possibly do!” 

Their gaze flickered from person to person, feeling much more like a cornered animal than the powerful creature that they tried so hard to be. Meeting the shrimp’s eyes, Envy found them maddeningly full of pity. Their whole world felt like it was shrinking and shattering, but they pressed on with their tirade. “Right, Pipsqueak? Right, Hawkeye? Mustang? Scar?” Their voice was breaking and cracking, they could hear it and there was nothing they could do. 

No one reacted to their words. Instead, everyone was looking at them. Envy took a step back, eyes wide as they hit brick. What were those looks for? Why was everyone looking at them? It wasn’t fair, those looks shouldn’t be there! These humans should be afraid of them, they should be fighting each other while Envy laughed on at their stupidity. Instead, everything was crumbling. 

“How come? Hey… How come? How come?” It was suffocating. “How come?” It wasn’t fair! “How come?” Their world was twisting, cracking. They were yelling they knew, and these humans… These humans were looking at them this way… As they looked around in dismay, they met Edward’s eyes. They were filled with pity and something else, something that made them want to scream. 

“Don’t look down on-” They started to shout, but Edward cut them off. His voice was quiet, but it was enough to cut Envy’s frenzied outburst short. His hand was still around Envy’s wrist, holding them there, making them listen. 

“Envy… You’re… jealous of humans,” he said, and Envy felt whatever was left holding them together snap in two. “Humans are supposed to be so much weaker than you homunculi,” the alchemist continued, though Envy wanted to beg him to stop. “And yet, even when we’re beaten down and get discouraged, or seem like we’re about to go astray and fall, we still stand up to the challenge again and again. Those who are around us pick us back up. And you… You’re envious of humans like that.” 

This shrimp really could see right through them, couldn’t he? While they’d managed to keep their attractive appearance, Envy felt more like a worm than ever before. Worst of all, the brat had to say it in front of others, too. Now all these people knew. Now they all knew the horrid feeling that Envy shoved away whenever it reared its head, all these humans knew Envy’s deepest secret, the very sin that their father had cast from himself and had given form. Jealousy was ugly, they were ugly. Their father had wanted no part of that ugliness so here they were, and now everyone could see the truth of things. 

Envy felt their legs shaking, but they refused to let themself sink lower. “How… How is it that you… You… How can you know? Why is it you? Of everyone, why is it you?” Their voice trembled as they finally mustered up the ability to speak. “How can this be that you… just a human, can see through me like this?” They murmured, no longer able to meet his eyes. 

The alchemist sighed and Envy could feel his eyes on them. “When you stop seeing yourself as above everyone, a lot more than just your worldview changes, Envy,” he said quietly. 

How else were they supposed to see themself? Equal? To humans? It was impossible, wasn’t it? They were so different from humans after all. Father had assured them of this again and again, over a hundred years of affirmations that indeed they were a cut above. The part of them that still wanted to blindly follow their father begged to know why or how their father could be wrong. Father knew best, after all. He was so powerful, so why wouldn’t he know what was best? Then, the part of them that had recently emerged whispered exactly why that was the case. Just as they had used humans, their father had used them. A pawn, a pawn made to feel special, unique, loved, in order to ensure maximum obedience and loyalty. 

Silence settled over the group for a few moments as Envy tried to reconcile their unruly emotions. They were angry, scared, confused, desperate. They closed their eyes and drew in a breath in an attempt to compose themself at least a little. This had made them realize one thing, despite all of the pain and fear. Their father was using them because they were just an unwanted part of him, and that was enough to direct their anger at while they came to terms with the rest of this. A front… they had to put up a front… acting was what they were best at, wasn’t it? Just a little longer… 

Envy was vaguely aware that they were still trembling as they finally stood straight, meeting Edward’s eyes. They were sure that despite collecting themself he could still see through them, but they couldn’t dwell on that lest they risk completely coming apart. What was holding them together now, they didn’t know. They drew in a breath, trying to make certain that their voice didn’t break. In all this confusion Envy could at least direct their anger toward their father, so they’d do just that. Things had been going right for him for too long, anyway.

“You must feel pretty proud of yourself right about now, Edward Elric, feeling pretty smart,” they rasped, trying to get their voice to cooperate so that they didn’t further humiliate themself. “So I’ll let you in on something. You wanna live through this? Save those friends you care about? Then don’t let this fool perform human transmutation. ” They said, pointing toward Mustang with a finger that only shook a little. “I’d say get out of here, but you’re all too stupidly stubborn and you’re too late, anyway. Steer clear of Pride and then, at least, you’ll have a choice in the matter.” They paused, seeing Hawkeye reaching for her gun again. They wouldn’t do well in a fight and they didn’t know how long they could put on this guise of being even a little bit okay, so a quick escape was imperative. 

Apparently Ed hadn’t expected them to be helpful, Envy noted as they watched him look thoroughly confused. That was good, at least. At least this brat couldn’t see into their head all the way. Before the others in the hallway could react to their advice, Envy slammed their fist into the wall behind them and, in the resulting falling rubble and dust, made their escape. They sprinted as quickly as they could through the winding maze of tunnels. Luck smiled upon them for the first time in a while as they were able to find a hole leading to the upper tunnels relatively quickly. 

They must be in some kind of shock, they eventually concluded. They’d been in consistent, excruciating pain, nearly died, and had their deepest secret revealed to the people they despised. Their mind was frighteningly clear right now, a harsh juxtaposition to the sluggish turmoil from only a few minutes prior. The clarity felt fragile, like one of Wrath’s fancy teacups, but for the moment they could think. 

As they reached the upper tunnels they slowed to a walk, confident that they wouldn’t be followed up here. They’d made enough of a distraction to be able to shake the others off their tail. As they walked, they made a plan. Two things were absolutely essential: they needed to gain some more power, and then they needed to make it back to the center before the height of the eclipse so that their stone wasn’t immediately drained by the countrywide transmutation circle. Those two things were of the utmost importance. Once they did that, they’d have a fighting chance at whatever came next. If they could just focus on those two goals they could hold themself together enough to get through this. They just had to focus. 

It wouldn’t take much to convince any Amestrian soldiers that Envy was on their side, all they really had to do was take care of the mannequins. Still, they couldn’t be too apparent, they determined. Pride was probably around someplace, watching like he always did. They didn’t want Father tipped off to their betrayal so quickly. Honestly, it was still a bit surprising to them that they’d flipped this fast. It wasn’t like they were fighting with the humans, but they had definitely stopped supporting their father. They felt a bit stupid, honestly, but they also couldn’t really blame themself. After all, he’d created them and been the source of everything they knew. Escaping his influence was nearly impossible, especially with Envy being the way they were. The times that Father had given them recognition for their accomplishments shone like beacons, overwhelming the long stretches of failure and unfair treatment. Father was the only one who’d ever given Envy praise, and how could they bring themself to turn against that? Even now they wanted to just slink back to their father’s chambers and forget about all these angry treacherous thoughts. They could ignore them if he only told them they’d done well. 

Envy did what they knew best as these thoughts surfaced, they pushed them down and vowed to ignore them for as long as possible. They’d made their choice, they couldn’t go back to Father after revealing even a little bit of helpful information to Ed. They couldn’t go back to someone who wouldn’t care whether they lived or died, even if he had praised them, told them they were exceptional. They just had to be able to look past that. When they did, they saw that it was only a way to further cement their loyalty as one of Father’s pawns. 

It wasn’t long before they found one of the many hidden entrances to Central Command and slipped out into the empty corridors of the government building. How many times had they walked these hallways? How many people had they walked them as? Would they ever walk them again after today? They kept walking, listening carefully for the telltale wailing and pleading of the mannequin soldiers. It didn’t take long. The cries of the dummies were accompanied by gunshots and screaming from Amestrian soldiers. Envy picked up the pace into a jog, knowing that time was of the essence if they wanted to be able to gain as much strength as possible. 

Rounding the corner they reached out, stretching their arm and grabbing one of the mannequins by the shoulder. Grayish white flesh morphed and contorted, branching out and latching onto the other surrounding mannequins and eventually seeping all into Envy’s outstretched arm. The soldiers, bloodied and shakily holding their weapons, stared at Envy in abject horror. Envy would be willing to bet that these humans had never seen anything like this. They were a horrid creature, after all. Behind their young and cute exterior, Envy was a repugnant, loathsome thing. They were sickening, and that was both wonderful and terrible. 

They didn’t waste much time thinking about these little humans, though. They were scared soldiers and came a dime-a-dozen, but there would be no point in killing them. Envy turned on their heel and jogged off, heading down another hallway. The eclipse was going to start any minute, and they needed to be as strong as possible when that happened. It was a little exciting, if they were honest with themself, to be running around Central Command as they were. They looked how they pleased, not having to hide behind the face of some soldier or officer. They’d never had this freedom before, at least not here in Central. 

The immortal legion had pretty well interspersed itself around through the hallways and rooms, preying on any humans that were unfortunate enough to run across its ravenous members. The shambling mannequins were pretty effective at killing, that was for sure. Many bore bullet wounds, but those obviously couldn’t stop them. However, Envy soon discovered, there seemed to be at least a few humans here that were able to find some way to incapacitate the edacious creatures by destroying their jaws. The things writhed about, crawling and groaning and begging. Envy absorbed them quickly, and only then did they really take in the state of the place. 

It was a wreck in here, traces of alchemy that was flamboyantly obvious as the work of the Strongarm Alchemist, as well as a couple of other structures that bore no telltale sign of their maker. Whatever fight had happened in here, it had been against more than just the immortal soldiers. Something felt just a little wrong, as though something had happened that never should have. They didn’t linger. 

As the light streaming in through the windows dimmed, Envy knew it was time to return underground. They hurried through the halls, absorbing any immortal soldier they may have missed on their way back to the hidden door they’d emerged from. By now they’d absorbed enough of the mannequins to feel confident in their abilities should they come across any enemies. However, that wasn’t very likely. They slipped back through the hidden door, down down down to the darkness of the tunnels. Father would be gathering all the sacrifices together right about now, they imagined. Envy wondered if their warnings had been taken seriously, if Ed and his friends had managed to keep Mustang from performing human transmutation. If they hadn’t, what would Mustang have taken from him? Maybe his thumbs, Envy mused bitterly. Then he couldn’t snap. 

Time was running out before Father would start his transmutation and Envy was feeling more and more on edge the longer it took for them to make it to the center. Their journey was made even more difficult by the barriers Father had put in place in order to prevent any unwanted intruders. Envy knew how to bypass them, of course, but those were detours that took much longer than they were comfortable with. 

Finally they made their way to a small, cramped tunnel of pipes and transformed into a snake, carefully slithering through until they could peek out into the room below. They couldn’t see much, but they were close enough to avoid being hurt. Just in time, too, they realized. 

There was a triumphant shout from their Father almost as soon as they’d settled into a position where they could safely see a bit of what was happening and not be in danger. 

“The center of the world is here!” He crowed, slamming his hand down and Envy shut their eyes, coiling into a little scaly ball as red light exploded outward and the world was filled with velvety black as the gate opened. 

Envy curled tighter into their ball as the darkness enveloped them, soundless and without any other sensation. It was terrifying, to be surrounded by so much endless dark that seemed to make its way into and throughout their whole entire being. What if Father had lied, what if his children would not be spared in his transmutation? They were originally a part of him, after all, wouldn’t it make sense for them to be sucked back in regardless of whether or not they were close enough? Was telling them that they’d be safe if only they were close just a ploy to make sure no one fled to save themselves? In that long wait in the endless expanse of darkness, Envy’s fear ran wild. 

Once the world returned to what at least felt like normal, Envy opened their eyes and finally let themself relax a little. They were alright! They’d made it through! They could vaguely hear the fullmetal shrimp and his friends once again beginning to resist but Envy honestly couldn’t bring themself to care all that much at the moment. While sounds of shouting echoed through the cavernous chamber, Envy let themself relax ever so slightly. It was a tension they hadn’t realized they’d been carrying since encountering Mustang, but they could finally accept that they’d made it out alive. 

They were pulled from their thoughts when something in the room seemed to change. Their father had attained godhood, obviously, but something was suddenly off. Before Envy could really guess at it, a roiling mass of screaming souls exploded from below and dispersed in every direction. Carefully, Envy peeked over the edge of their little tunnel, pretty confident that they wouldn’t be noticed. They were just a little snake right now, after all. 

Below they could see their father, the sacrifices, Greed and that little brat from Xing. Mustang hadn’t managed to avoid human transmutation after all, and while Envy couldn’t see anything missing, the man seemed incredibly disoriented. The sacrifice called Izumi Curtis was holding his arm and keeping him steady. Just what had he lost? Envy would love to know so they could ridicule him for it, though it was obviously an act they could never carry out in person. 

Fighting broke out below once again and Envy found it nearly impossible to look away, as much as they wanted to. Their father seemed to be winning pretty soundly, but the group of alchemists were holding their own with surprising ferocity. Envy supposed it wasn’t too shocking considering that these were some of the most formidable alchemists in the country, all gathered into one place and fighting for a common goal. There was also a homunculus fighting with them, and that Xingese girl, too. She could certainly make herself an annoyance, and she seemed to be filling that role well. Still, their father was incredibly powerful. These alchemists couldn’t seem to hold a candle to him, despite whatever they’d done to make him lose all those souls. 

Soon, though, it seemed like Father had made up his mind about something. Envy drew back, hiding in the shadows of the tunnel as their father rose up, making his way up to the surface. Envy could only imagine the destruction he’d be dealing up there. He was followed shortly after by the majority of the alchemists who’d been gathered. Humans never knew when to give up, did they? 

Envy peeked over the edge once again, seeing who remained. They didn’t see Pride go up with Father, but were sure they’d spotted him down there. He was hard to see, he was small and stuck to the shadows, but Envy could make him out. He looked like shit, and that in itself was terrifying. Pride was probably the strongest of all of them. Greed could probably hold up against him, and Wrath might be fast enough to get past his defenses, but Pride would probably come out on top against even those two eventually. Not that Envy could really know for sure, they didn’t often fight amongst themselves. Envy and Greed were often at odds back when the first Greed was still working with Father and the rest of them, but even then they were discouraged from physically fighting each other, lest they cause too much of a disturbance while things were still in their beginning stages. 

Needless to say, it was terrifying to see Pride like this, but he still seemed to be doing alright against Edward. It didn’t take long before Pride had him pinned, but something made him hesitate and in that moment Edward managed to…. Punch him? That was what it looked like, at least a little. And then Pride was gone. It happened so quickly, so suddenly, Envy had to take a moment to process what they’d just seen. Pride taken out with just a punch? Edward must have done something, there was no way Pride would’ve been beaten just like that! 

It was hard from their distance, but they watched Ed remove his signature red coat and place something small in the center of the folded garment. They had to know what it was. After Edward had tucked whatever it was in his jacket, he too hurried up toward the surface. 

Once they were sure no one was coming back down into the ruined chamber, Envy slithered out of the tunnel and hopped down, shifting back to their preferred form midair. They landed on their feet, the ground cracking a little under the force of their landing, but they noted that it certainly wasn’t as powerful a hit as it would’ve been if they were at the height of their power. The immortal soldiers kept them alive and healthy, they could probably take a considerable number of hits, but they certainly wouldn’t survive another encounter with Mustang. 

Envy walked over to the coat, wanting to know what in the world Ed had put there so carefully. Tucked into the folds of the red fabric was an incredibly small baby, and Envy was reeling. Was this… Pride? They couldn’t hold back a rueful laugh at the discovery. With a sigh, they sat down beside Pride. They could vaguely hear the sounds of fighting from above, but they were safe down here for now. 

“I never would’ve guessed you were this tiny and pathetic,” Envy sneered, though it held no venom. It wasn’t like Pride could understand them anyway. “I guess that… I guess that does make two of us, though. Never thought I’d be in the same boat as you of all people. You were always an arrogant little shit, it was fun watching as you had to play a little kid. Not like I can talk about impersonating people though, huh?” 

Envy sighed, leaning back and supporting themself with their hands. “Father left you, he would’ve left me if I’d been there. He didn’t care when Lust died… So much for being his children. You believed him too, right? When he talked about caring for us it… felt real enough. Fucking lame that I’m talking to a little baby about this,” they scoffed, closing their eyes and taking a deep breath. “I don’t think there’s anyone else who would hear me out, you don’t have a choice. You could fit in the palm of my hand. You’re even smaller than me!” They laughed again, they didn’t really know how to process anything else. 

“Well, Pride, I’ll stick around and make sure a rat or whatever doesn’t eat you. I’m sure the shrimp will be back for you, but I’ll hang around until he comes. I think you’re awful but it’d be embarrassing for me if my big powerful older brother got eaten by a rat or some wandering pest.”

Envy sat up again and crossed their legs, getting comfortable. They moved Pride and the jacket into their lap and closed their eyes, sighing deeply. There was so much, just so much, that they had to try and take in. They didn’t want to think about it, if they were honest. Thinking about their flaws always led to obsession, to spending hours perfecting their physical appearance to try and hide all the awful. Their feelings towards humans were masked with disgust and superiority. Their hideous true appearance masked with this pretty exterior, as well as the faces of countless others. 

Ed had spelled things out pretty clearly when he’d unmasked their feelings earlier that day, but it still felt as though there was some kind of invisible barrier that kept them from really thinking, really coming to terms with how they felt. That was good, that meant they didn’t have to actually dwell on anything deeper. They could just choose to focus on the injustice of their Father’s treatment, not on those problems that they’d been conveniently burying under piles of anger since their creation. 

Envy let their thoughts drift a bit, a treat almost. Usually they kept things pretty surface level, basic self pity, anger, inward and outward disgust, and an overall thirst for violence. Maybe they could feel a little more sorry for themself than usual today. After all, today had been the cherry on top of a huge collection of bad days back to back. How long had they been stuck as that little worm? Any amount of time was too long. If they could dwell on the bad things that had happened to them, they wouldn’t have to focus on the very complicated emotions that were coming to light under all of the bullshit of the day. 

Envy wasn’t a very patient person, but living for centuries had given them some experience in passing idle time. There were quite a few things their mind could wander to besides their emotions. Sometimes it was recalling various atrocities they’d committed, sometimes it was brainstorming new ones. Sometimes it was even something productive!

It didn’t take long before wallowing in self-pity brought them back to the complicated emotions they were trying to ignore, so Envy abandoned that train of thought in an attempt to be productive. Where would they go after this? What would they do? They had a sinking feeling that they didn’t have very many of their siblings left, so some kind of effort to regroup was likely impossible. That, and Gluttony was so annoying without Lust to care for him so would they even want to try something like that in the long term? Then again, they hadn’t seen Gluttony so that probably meant the worst for him. He wasn’t very good at not dying, after all. 

The best decision was probably to get out of Central. They could travel around a bit, study humans and then craft some kind of identity from that. They’d need to make someone new, someone believable. At this point they didn’t think killing and impersonating someone would go over very well, not when the military would likely be on the lookout for something like that. No, they had to be smarter. Maybe they would go east, somewhere not far from the desert in case they needed to flee the country. Leaving Amestris wasn’t something they particularly wanted to do, the country had been their home for centuries after all. They’d grown a bit attached to it. 

They had a few skills, they could fight well, they were a decent cook, they could do manual labor, though they hated that. If they posed as a drifter, they could probably assimilate themself back into society in a small town and lay low for a few years. Then they could plan their next move. Currently, their existence held no purpose. That was terrifying and horrible, so that was another thing they needed to work toward. Find something to do, find some kind of goal to work toward, whatever it was. 

Envy wasn’t sure how long they’d been lost in their thoughts when they heard footsteps coming their way. They snapped their eyes open and turned their head toward the sound. They weren’t sure who’d won, the humans or their father. Seeing Edward Elric standing there, looking a bit worse for wear, was a bit of a relief. He even had two real arms again, which was almost strange to look at now. If their father had won they weren’t sure if they would’ve been able to escape and carry out the little plan they’d been concocting. They might get a new purpose if they were to swear loyalty to him again, but would that be worth dealing with someone who they knew didn’t care for them? Envy wasn’t sure. If Ed had won, that meant they had a pretty good chance of escape. There would be other problems, but at least their father wouldn’t be one of them. 

Ed seemed a bit startled to see them there, clearly only expecting to find Pride where he’d left him. The human approached warily, which pleased Envy. Good, he knew they weren’t to be trifled with. They could hurt him any time they wanted. As exhausted as he seemed to be. Envy could probably take him out pretty easily if they really wanted to. However, they didn’t. As furious as they were that Ed was able to see through them like he did, they wanted him to live because of that. He was the closest Envy could come to actually respecting a human. Envy stood and held Ed’s jacket out toward him, a small scowl on their face. 

“Why are you here?” Ed asked, hesitantly taking the little bundle from them. 

Envy scoffed. “Do you know how humiliating it would be for Pride to be eaten by a rat or something? Look how small he is, any pest could carry him off like that. I might not have liked Pride much, but I’m not gonna let my oldest brother meet that stupid of an end.” 

Ed’s face shifted into a gentler expression and Envy bristled. 

“Don’t look at me like that, Shrimp! Now that you’ve got him, I’m out of here.” They turned on their heel, starting to head down toward one of the tunnels before stopping. They hesitated a moment, but turned back around to face Ed. 

“Before I go I have to ask… the rest of my siblings… What ended up happening to everyone?” They had to know. Greed was probably still around, since he was working with the alchemists. They weren’t sure about Wrath, they certainly hadn’t seen him but that didn’t necessarily mean he’d died. Sloth was also unaccounted for, but again that wasn’t necessarily a death sentence. They watched Ed carefully, still not liking the way he looked at them. 

“We fought Pride yesterday, he had Gluttony with him and when things were getting tough he… Ended up consuming him,” Ed said and Envy couldn’t help a little shiver. They wouldn’t put it past Pride. “My teacher, her husband and the Armstrongs beat Sloth upstairs in Central Command. Greed, Fuu and some Briggs soldiers fought Wrath but he ended up getting away but lost against Scar because of his injuries.” Ed paused again, as if thinking of something unpleasant. “Greed went back into your father and kinda took him over, but got pulled out and separated so he ended up dissolving.” 

Envy gritted their teeth, a rather unfamiliar emotion pushing its way to the surface. Loss. Grief? Something like grief, they supposed. They weren’t upset necessarily at the people who were gone, but that they were gone. Envy and Pride were the only ones left, and Pride wasn’t even all there! He was a baby! 

Envy balled up their fists and let out a slow breath. “Huh. I really thought Greed would’ve made it out of there, him being with you all. Guess not this time. Well, I’m going. Good luck with whatever it is you’re gonna do now.” 

Hanging around Edward was dangerous, Envy decided. Any longer and the asshole would probably tell them that they were sad or something, and they didn’t need that. Thankfully, they weren’t followed into the tunnels as they left. 

\-----

It was funny just how little humans knew about the world around them, Envy mused as they stepped into the sunlit city. They’d taken on the form of a woman, average in stature with mousy brown hair tied back into a careful bun. She wore a simple shawl and a floral patterned dress that reached her mid calves, plain shoes with a slight heel. She was an identity Envy would occasionally put on when they needed to go someplace unnoticed, she was average, she wouldn’t stick out. Even if someone noticed her, her meek demeanor would quickly alleviate her of suspicion. 

Envy made their way to the train station, a small amount of money in a little brown bag. They’d scrounged around in the multitude of rooms in the tunnel complex, as there was usually some stashed in random places, and ended up with a sum that would get them where they needed to go. They didn’t need to eat, so they could probably stretch it pretty far. 

It was funny, really, that despite the souls of every amestrian being sapped from their being on the same day as a coup d'etat where their leader and his son had died, the trains were still running on schedule. People milled about the train station like it was any other day. The topic of conversation among the small groups that had formed in the crowd was on the strange events of the day, on the eclipse, on the coup. Still, they had no idea just how close they’d all come to losing their physical forms forever, how close they’d come to being wiped off the face of the earth. They didn’t even know that their own leader had been one of the ‘bad guys’. Envy didn’t even think Wrath’s wife knew the truth about her husband and “son”. 

An apocalyptic event that had only been stopped in the nick of time, and the trains weren’t a minute late. Envy smiled a little to themself at the absurdity of it all, boarding the train to North City. They’d decided to start their observation there, concoct some kind of backstory before they began drifting around the eastern part of the country to look for a more permanent residence. 

Even now, they couldn’t risk taking their mind off of their plans. It was hard, the gentle sound and movement of the train made them want to relax, but Envy knew that if they did, they’d have to start really confronting their reality. They weren’t sure if they’d ever be truly ready for that, but at least they could try and start something new from here.


End file.
